diary
by Chaos no Mazoku
Summary: FINALLY, an update to my account. From Heather's POV, a short blurb about things that have been bothering her. Rated T because of the nature of the games showing through and mild language.


Sometimes, I wonder.

If she'd have gone through with it, how would it have been? Would that disgusting mesh and grate have erupted towards all corners of the earth? Would we be surrounded by beasts and nightmares, constantly hunted in some twisted game of cat-and-mouse? Would we all be deranged, tricked and drugged into thinking that we were the only ones left alive, and that the others were those horrible monsters?

Harry...Dad. I wonder if he'd be proud of what I've done. I wonder if he'd be disappointed. I wonder if he'd call me crazy.

But...he'd been there, too, right? I found some of his notes, tacked onto those decaying countertops, letter faint with age, pages worn and crinkled. That letter he left me, when I forced myself to pick it up and read it again after everything was said and done and I was back at his apartment once again...I realized that I'd retraced many of his own steps. I knew then that I hadn't imagined it all. I couldn't have.

Could I have?

She'd said that I was Alessa, but that I was Cheryl too. Two halves to make that one powerful whole. She'd said something about "the world I wanted" almost being here...but she was talking to Alessa, she had to have been. I would never dream something so grotesque.

Alessa was the one that had power. Not me. I couldn't. If I had power, couldn't I have done something when the world around me shifted? Couldn't I have called off those Frankenstein-creations, the ones like those Alessa had formed out of her own hatred and vengeance so long ago? I'm just a normal girl. That's all I ever was. Even if I used to be Alessa, or Cheryl, I'm not now. I'm only me.

...but I can't just try to act "normal" anymore. Not after the things I've seen, the things I've done. Truth be told, I'm not even certain that I have all my emotions in tact any longer.

The images that haunt my own nightmares now aren't those things from the darkness. It's not the metal grating, the rust and the blood, the town, the cathedral, the ritual. Not even that false God. It's something far simpler, but quite possibly the most scarring thing that happened to me, there.

When those monsters had attacked me, I felt no remorse to take them out. And yet, such a few simple words once spoken tormented me, made me wonder...were they really monsters? Was I really in some twilight zone, killing inhuman creatures? Or...was I doing something much worse? The town of Silent Hill used to exist, sometime. Maybe in some alternate reality, the town is still a resort town, not abandoned, not fog-filled, and certainly not possessed. Was I truly just blurring the lines?

Or...am I really crazy?

No, I can't have been. He was just messing with me. He had to have been. He even said he was. I saw what happened there. So did my dad. I saw what Claudia had tried to recreate, just like my father had seen Dahlia do those many years ago - try to expedite the coming of their God.

Defeated twice...some God that was.

Even so, it still bothers me...what it is that really keeps me restless at night...

Claudia felt no remorse, either, when she killed him. When she took him out, just like I'd taken out so many of the town's horrid creations, first when that dagger pierced his chest from behind, and again when she made that finishing blow on the floor of the cathedral. In the haze of what happened next, I...I honestly don't recall much. It came back to me in fragments afterwards, puzzle pieces slowly falling into place, until I finally managed to remember it all, all over again.

I ingested the tablet of Aglaophotis that my father had left with me. I purged their God from my body. I rejected it...she tried to save it, but it killed her. I killed her. Killed their God, their Devil, their whatever. And then, when I had the strength back in me, I stood, met back up with Douglas, and left that stinking hellhole.

It still haunts me, though. After Claudia killed him, but before we descended into that final madness...before I forgot everything all over again...

What happened to Vincent's body?


End file.
